Family problems.

I hate school. When i go there, i can't wait to just go home and nap. I feel alone and just not the same anymore. This year i don't have as many people to talk to and don't see my friends all that much around school, its just a big change. I felt older as a freshman last year, than now. Last year my brother was in school, so i got to see him a lot during the day and his friends too. Being as close as i am with him, I always felt like it was alright. If i was having a bad day id be able to tell him about it, everyday. His friends watched out for me too. I'm a tiny person, so having them around was comforting. High school wasn't that bad last year. This year, i'm alone. If i'm having a bad day, sure i could go to my friends but i don't have that secure feeling that i had last year. So i go to school, have a pretty crappy day then finally get to go home. Then when i get home i realize its just as bad at my house. I come here and i deal with my dads bad mood all day, and i only get to hangout with my brother for an hour before he has to go off to work, and not come home to late in the night when i'm sleeping. I'll walk in the dear and then have more stuff to do. When i get home from school all i want to do is basically just go hibernate in my room for a good hour or two and just relax. I don't want to wash the dishes, put away this, put away that, make dinner, do the wash. Like no! i'm tired enough and i still have homework. Like god, can i just have a minute before you jump down my neck with crap to do. I need to relax. Then when i'm home i'm constantly stressed out about whats going on with my home life. Everyday i hear my day moaning and groaning about how he can't get disability and we are going through such a hard time. Like yeah i know, i get that things are gonna suck for awhile but i don't need to be reminded about it every freaking day all day. I don't want to think about how shit our lives are. Knowing the situation my family is in right now honestly scares the living shit out of me, because i don't know whats going to happen. I don't know what we are going to do if my dad doesn't get disability. My brother can only pay so much. Hes just a kid and he is going to have to pay the bills. That's not fair to him. He wants to go to the coastguard and he cant even move on with his life because his family is holding him back. Its just so messed up. Its not fair. Then i have my friends telling me about there guy problems and how they want to die because these guys don't talk to them, which I've been there i know how it feels but when i'm dealing with this family stuff i find that so dumb. (for lack of a better term) Don't get me wrong i do care and i try damn hard to help you and to cheer you up. But its hard to cheer someone up when you're dealing with your own things. You're talking about a guy and i'm over here talking about my whole life. Like yes, you're upset, guys are very stressful and can make you think terrible things, but you don't have to worry about getting money to eat that night. You have a family that can support you. You're not constantly thinking about whats going to happen tomorrow and if its the day you have to give up your phone because you just cant pay the bills. You're family is good, so you fight with your mom. Big whoop. At least you have a mom, don't take that for granted. Both of your parents are in your life, and you have the ability to live how you want. You are going to be able to go to college, with out a doubt. Me? I hope that i can go to college, but do i know that's going to happen? no clue, i would have so much student loans tacked onto my name, id be paying it my whole life. Is a life of debt worth just starting my career? Am i even going to make it to that part of my life? What if something happens to my dad, and its just my brother and I? would we be able to make it, what would happen to us. He's almost 19 but could we function together. I wouldn't leave him. I'm not getting shipped away with family.  I'm sticking with my brother, end of story. There's just so much going through my head right now, and you're sitting here telling me how horrible your life is because of a guy or two. You don't even know the half of it. You have security, you have stability in your life. I have nothing. I'm living off no income right now. You don't realize how bad this is, and i'm not going to tell you because i don't want pity. I don't want people to know that my little family is falling apart and cant support its self. I just really dislike life right now. I find it so unfair that my whole life i just get hit with something, time after time, it never ends for my family. First my mom gets sick, and we lose her. Then my dad gets sick, and is now disabled and just cant provide anymore. Now we don't have money. Fuck. Got anything else? bring it on.