If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, its yours. If it doesn't, it never was to begin with.

You said you needed a break. Not just from me, but from everything. A week later you came back. Saying how sorry you were, and how much you miss me and want me back. You said I'm your one and only and you don't think you can go on without me. The whole time we were broken up I was in denial. I kept telling myself, this isn't the end. We didn't really breakup, were just taking a short break that's it. We aren't over. But even though I told myself that I don't think I really believed it. But it actually happened. You actually did miss me, and want me back. You felt the same way I did, and that makes me know what we have is real. All my friends were saying, oh you cant go back to him. You're stupid if you go back to him, he cant just put you done and pick you up whenever he wants. He left you, he missed out. Don't go back to them. They all had a point. But they didn't understand how miserable I felt without him. I don't see myself with anyone else. How could I deny him, when he's all that I want. If I denied him, I'd be upsetting myself. Why would I do that. This is what will make me happy I know it is. Maybe down the road something will happen between us, but no one can stop that. For now, I think the best thing is to stay with this and see where it takes us. I want him in my life. We are right for each other, I just know it. I don't care about what everyone else thinks, this is what makes me happy. I choose being happy and loving life, then hating every waking minute.

Ex boyfriend?

What are you supposed to say to your ex when you get a text from them saying,

''I never stop thinking about you''

You left me, and now you tell me that. My family and friends tell me that i shouldn't even think about taking you back. Because you lost me, when you broke up with me. But i'm still in love with you.

Family problems.

I hate school. When i go there, i can't wait to just go home and nap. I feel alone and just not the same anymore. This year i don't have as many people to talk to and don't see my friends all that much around school, its just a big change. I felt older as a freshman last year, than now. Last year my brother was in school, so i got to see him a lot during the day and his friends too. Being as close as i am with him, I always felt like it was alright. If i was having a bad day id be able to tell him about it, everyday. His friends watched out for me too. I'm a tiny person, so having them around was comforting. High school wasn't that bad last year. This year, i'm alone. If i'm having a bad day, sure i could go to my friends but i don't have that secure feeling that i had last year. So i go to school, have a pretty crappy day then finally get to go home. Then when i get home i realize its just as bad at my house. I come here and i deal with my dads bad mood all day, and i only get to hangout with my brother for an hour before he has to go off to work, and not come home to late in the night when i'm sleeping. I'll walk in the dear and then have more stuff to do. When i get home from school all i want to do is basically just go hibernate in my room for a good hour or two and just relax. I don't want to wash the dishes, put away this, put away that, make dinner, do the wash. Like no! i'm tired enough and i still have homework. Like god, can i just have a minute before you jump down my neck with crap to do. I need to relax. Then when i'm home i'm constantly stressed out about whats going on with my home life. Everyday i hear my day moaning and groaning about how he can't get disability and we are going through such a hard time. Like yeah i know, i get that things are gonna suck for awhile but i don't need to be reminded about it every freaking day all day. I don't want to think about how shit our lives are. Knowing the situation my family is in right now honestly scares the living shit out of me, because i don't know whats going to happen. I don't know what we are going to do if my dad doesn't get disability. My brother can only pay so much. Hes just a kid and he is going to have to pay the bills. That's not fair to him. He wants to go to the coastguard and he cant even move on with his life because his family is holding him back. Its just so messed up. Its not fair. Then i have my friends telling me about there guy problems and how they want to die because these guys don't talk to them, which I've been there i know how it feels but when i'm dealing with this family stuff i find that so dumb. (for lack of a better term) Don't get me wrong i do care and i try damn hard to help you and to cheer you up. But its hard to cheer someone up when you're dealing with your own things. You're talking about a guy and i'm over here talking about my whole life. Like yes, you're upset, guys are very stressful and can make you think terrible things, but you don't have to worry about getting money to eat that night. You have a family that can support you. You're not constantly thinking about whats going to happen tomorrow and if its the day you have to give up your phone because you just cant pay the bills. You're family is good, so you fight with your mom. Big whoop. At least you have a mom, don't take that for granted. Both of your parents are in your life, and you have the ability to live how you want. You are going to be able to go to college, with out a doubt. Me? I hope that i can go to college, but do i know that's going to happen? no clue, i would have so much student loans tacked onto my name, id be paying it my whole life. Is a life of debt worth just starting my career? Am i even going to make it to that part of my life? What if something happens to my dad, and its just my brother and I? would we be able to make it, what would happen to us. He's almost 19 but could we function together. I wouldn't leave him. I'm not getting shipped away with family.  I'm sticking with my brother, end of story. There's just so much going through my head right now, and you're sitting here telling me how horrible your life is because of a guy or two. You don't even know the half of it. You have security, you have stability in your life. I have nothing. I'm living off no income right now. You don't realize how bad this is, and i'm not going to tell you because i don't want pity. I don't want people to know that my little family is falling apart and cant support its self. I just really dislike life right now. I find it so unfair that my whole life i just get hit with something, time after time, it never ends for my family. First my mom gets sick, and we lose her. Then my dad gets sick, and is now disabled and just cant provide anymore. Now we don't have money. Fuck. Got anything else? bring it on.

Am i wasting my time?

I don't know what to do. I don't understand something. Are you going to go after another girl? Are you going to date someone else? or are you going to come back to me when you're ready for a relationship in your life. If I wait for you. If i wait for you to be ready, will that day ever come? or do you just not want me at all. I can't tell. It bothers me. I want to end up with you. I can't see me with anyone else but you. You're not like the rest. I need to get over you, but i'm scared to be on my own. It was so good with you, i felt happy. I was the happiest i ever was. Because of you i didn't take drugs or smoke or cut or anything. I wanted to keep you happy. I wanted to make myself perfect for you. I don't want to do that for anyone else. I want you to be in my life. That's all i want right now, is for us to be together. I want to grow old with you and experience life with you. I cant tell if you're spending your single life flirting with girls. I can't tell if you're going to get into a relationship with someone else. I wish i could ask you that. I asked too many questions. My friend told me today that you still want me, just not now. I'm not sure if he was right or not, but it gave me hope. But i see us changing. Not talking as much, and it scares the hell out of me. I think about not having you, and being alone and i just want to... i don't know what i want to do. I feel empty when i think about that stuff. Other people flirt with me and all i can think about is you. I don't want us to be over. But i don't know if I'm wasting my time waiting for you. Do you want me to move on for good, or should i wait? Are you ever going to want me again, or are you going to have someone else? Are we meant to be? Or are you just a chapter in my life that has seas to exist. I just need answers. I don't want to fall back into the position i was in last year. I don't want to go back to that. I'm tired of being depressed and sad. I've had enough of that for the past 9 years. Ever since my mother died i thought i'd never feel whole. That i'd never be able to feel happy like i was for the first 7 years of my life. When i was with him, I finally felt like there was hope. I felt happy. He filled the whole left in my heart for those years. But now that its gone, i'm empty again. I've gone through life feeling alone, and now that i know what its like to feel like you have someone i don't want to go back to the old ways. You left now, and i'm alone again. Happy didn't last long. I don't want to be sad again. Friends can help a lot but not as much as someone who actually loves you and wants you to be there's. I'm young i know. But i cant take it. I want you in my life. No one else. Just you. You don't feel the same though. How am i supposed to move on. I hate it.  Now, there's no meaning anymore. Does love mean nothing anymore?

Breakups.

I'm convinced that life just hates me. Every time i feel happy and comfortable where i am, and who i'm with, life throws me a curve ball. I've been known to over react a couple times. Something i know i over react with is breakups. But this time its different. It feels different. I don't want to except it. He started off saying that it was just a break, but then we agreed that technically its a breakup. He tells me that doesn't mean he'd never go out with me again. So what am i supposed to do right now. Do you know? because i have no clue. I love this kid. Now that we are broken up i feel like i have no one. I cant see me going out with anyone else. But i'm not the kind of girl you can just pick up and put down when its most convenient to you. I need you right now, and you left. You say the reason is, because you need to start putting your life together and thinking about what you're going to do after school since you're a senior. You are also worried about your home life and are stressed out about your parents splitting and think you made the wrong decision of who to live with. Which i agree is a lot on your plate, you know you're also dealing with school and work on top of that. So with all that, you throw me away. How can one minute you say you love me, and then the next breakup with me. When we started going out you told me never to leave you. I told you the same. My past relationships didn't last this long, and i wasnt treated the best. But you were different, i saw us staying together. You treated me right. You made me feel happy, i had someone to talk to. Because of you i stopped smoking and doing bad stuff. Now that you're gone i feel like i need that stuff to make me happy. I'm in denial. I don't think we are over. I love you, and you say you love me. I always tell my friends why want someone who doesnt want you? Now i'm in the same position and i can't take my own advice. If i listened to myself half the time, i would have so much less heartache. I have family and friends that help me so much but i still feel that emptiness. I know i need time and it's too soon to even think i'd feel better but its worse then past breakups. I feel like i don't want to do anything, because i'm always reminded of him. If he really loved me this wouldn't have happend. But then i think of him, he told me he couldn't be the best he should be for me. I didn't deserve that i needed better. I'm hoping he'll relize that he misses me. I hope that so much but what else is there to do. I don't feel like dwelling on this the rest of my life. Waiting for someone who decided they didn't want me, to want me again. I love you, and why you did this to me i dont know. Why would anyone but someone they love in this pain. They say, if you love something set it free. If it comes back its yours, if not then it never was to begin with. I'm going to listen to that. So i'll let you put your life together and feel happy and stable. I'll give you time, but if you take to long and forget about me I will move on and find the right guy. Whats meant to be will be. I had an amazing hear talking to you. You helped me so much, and i guess it just wasnt the right time for us to start dating. I love you always, and i hope you realize you feel the same.