I don't know what I want in life. I'm starting to worry. I feel like I'm growing up this year. SAT, driving, buying a car, working asdf. This is all just coming at me full force. I'm trying to keep my grades up this year to bring my gpa up. I did kind of bad freshman year and some of sophomore year so now I feel extra stressed out to have good grades. Not only that but I don't have enough time. School work takes forever to complete, because I get sidetracked every five minutes.. like right now for example, I should be finishing my homework. My grandmother called me about a week ago, I've been meaning to get back to her but I work all day on the weekends come home and then don't feel like doing anything. It's not like I don't like work either, I actually recently have been loving it. I love Halloween, and I love seeing my work friends. But work is getting in the way of my Dylan time, and that I don't like.. I know I shouldn't freak out about one day but I just want to be with him as much as I can. He makes me less stressed and just feel better. I just need to get my graduation project done and just make time stop. I don't even know.

Sorry

I feel like I have to say something. I'm sorry to the people I've hurt in my life or all the people that I've pissed off that didn't deserve it. I try my hardest to be there for my friends, and make everyone happy. But I have my days where I slip and end up not caring.. Or just too concerned with myself. But honestly, I'm making a lot if close friends this year and I just want to be there for them. By now if your still my friend that means something. I want to be friends with people who I'll actually care to talk to after high school. Which is coming up sooner than later, which kind of scares me but that's a different topic.. But I really just have been getting close to my friends again which fit some reason just got away from me. They like me for who I am, even when I'm a bitch one day they still stick around. Ever since I got close to Sarah, everything is just going really good. Like yeah I had friends and of course my boyfriend but everyone needs that best friend. Honestly I feel so close to her and we haven't even known each other that long. But I'm glad we met each other. She's just fun, and I needed someone to have fun with and go to parties with and hangout with. Like I feel like i finally have a potential partner in crime again. Ever since I've had the talk about college and like how I'm actually growing up now... I just I want to get close to the people that I actually care about. I need to make those last good memories. Junior year is going to be a good one I can feel it, but a stressful one. At least I'll always have Dylan who helps me through everything without him I wouldn't be able to get through everything. He is life, we've grown so close over the past year, he's to another winter. I'm so excited for the fall season. I love scary things so this is like the best. And I love being able to experience things with my ba. Pumpkin carving, corn mazes, haunted houses, perfection. God I love you. I'm going to need close friends when my brother goes to the navy. I want him to so what he wants but he helps me so much. And I'm going to miss him so much.. But I can't tell him that because I want him to do what makes him happy. Those two people alone have made me who I am today. They deserve so much thanks. I don't know what I'd do with out them.

Stability

I finally found someone who I can have fun with and trust. Things are starting to settle and I'm glad. It feels so good to actually have a girl i can talk to and hangout with again. I have my best friend and my boyfriend. I'm happy with where I am. I have people that care about me, I'm working, I got my permit, I'm doing good in school. I'm content with myself. Now I just need to start working out again so I can get in shape. Junior me is turning out to be pretty good.

Take me back to the days where being friends meant something and memories weren't of strangers

harvest moon 🌕