Driving

My Dad finally took me out driving today. I drove on the road for the first time ever. It was nerve racking but I think I did good! go me

Am I a cute girlfriend yet?

I can see us growing up

So much has changed in the past two years. We have both grown so much. Every year, several months, every anniversary really, I see us growing. If I flash back to July 2013 I was only 15 years old. I wasn't very healthy I wasn't doing very well in school I was hanging out with the wrong cloud.. now it's completely different for me. I'm thinking about college, focusing a lot on my grades, I'm running, I'm just getting older. The same thing for Dylan, he has accomplished a lot recently and I couldn't be more proud. He trained out of the blue to run a 10K and was amazing. He ran it under and hour. He is doing so good with getting into shape, and now he's going to focus on building muscle which is a plus for me. I'm just kitten, I always loved his body but I'm glad he's getting even healthier. I like it because it keeps me motivated to do better for my self too. We are not just a mentally healthy relationship but now physically healthy. He is also applying for colleges finally and looking for a big boy job. I'm so glad he is getting ready to change his life in all these good ways. He's moving forward and growing up. Not only is he going to get a better job, he's also going to move back to Emmaus soon and I couldn't be more excited. In only a couple months he will be only 10 minutes away from me. This is a big step for us, because this is going to mean a lot more time for us to spend with each other. Losing the distance will save extreme gas money. I think it will help us a lot. This week starts another couple months of only seeing each other once a week. This is really hard for me especially without my brother here. I don't know what to do with myself. Maybe it will be okay, because hopefully with the warmer weather I can do more running and exercising outside. It will be a rough couple of months but we've done it before and we'll do it again. I'm not scared we will do just fine. We started it with an extra long weekend together so I think this week will be okay. This weekend was perfect though. I spent 3 days at his house. I got to spend time with his mother and sister which was really nice, we went out to eat while he was at work. We got to have some girl time which I never have, ever. Layla even talks to me about boys and problems she has which I think is great. I like being able to talk to her and help her. Next year she will be at the same school as me too so that will be fun. I just love the family atmosphere they have at their house. And I like how they make me feel like I belong. But anyway It was the best weekend I've had in awhile. I got to sleep with my love and wake up next to him. Even though his bed is too tiny I love sleeping next to him. I loved getting the chance to go to his race and see him. I'm so proud. I'm proud of all of them. So here is to our Year and 9months, and to many many more to come.

Navy

I can't believe he left already. It seems like just yesterday he signed up. I couldn't be more proud of him. I think this is a great career choice for him. He is going to be so healthy and get to travel. I know that he will be great  in boot camp he's strong. Even though I support his decision of joining the navy I'm going to miss him lots. He was always there for me, I mean he had to be he's my brother. But we were just so close and its hard not having him around. I'm kind of nervous for it only to be my father and I. He just gets so angry and sometimes I can't handle it. Now Marks not here dealing with my Dad with me. I just feel alone. Don't get me wrong I have Dylan but when he's at work its just me and my thoughts. I'm trying so hard to just be happy but it gets hard. One minute i'll be laughing and having a good time and then i'll be upset. I just feel like crying all the time. A lot of my friends don't understand why I'm so upset. You get really close with your family when there is a loss of a loved one. When my mom passed away I think that's when I started getting close with my brother. He was the only one that know what I was going through because he was going through the same thing. I don't think many people have a bond with their siblings like we did. We had to mature at a young age. But he was always my older brother. He always had to be the role model. And don't get me wrong we, its not like we never fought. We would fight so so much when we were little and now. But we have a lot more good times than bad. Not only did we handle the loss of our mom together but then there was my Dad. After my mom passed away my father changed. I can't even remember the old him. He is nothing but angry and depressed these days. I never confided in my father, in fact we barely ever talk. I always went right to mark when I had any problems. I love my father but sometimes I just cant handle him. He gets so mad and nothing. It gets mad at his life and takes it out on everyone else. It makes me feel bad because I can't make him happy. Why is he so upset? am I really that bad of a child? I try so hard, to keep my grades up and just be a good kid. I don't lie to my father I never get into any kind of trouble but this is just not good enough for him. I just don't understand it. And I've lived with this since I was just a little kid. Thankfully I have Dylan and his family. They are so caring and they mean so much to me. I don't think I could do this without them. I honestly love Dylan so much. He makes me feel better. When I'm with him he knows how to calm me down and just be able to relax. He is my forever.