Tuesday, September 23, 2014

I don't know what I want in life. I'm starting to worry. I feel like I'm growing up this year. SAT, driving, buying a car, working asdf. This is all just coming at me full force. I'm trying to keep my grades up this year to bring my gpa up. I did kind of bad freshman year and some of sophomore year so now I feel extra stressed out to have good grades. Not only that but I don't have enough time. School work takes forever to complete, because I get sidetracked every five minutes.. like right now for example, I should be finishing my homework. My grandmother called me about a week ago, I've been meaning to get back to her but I work all day on the weekends come home and then don't feel like doing anything. It's not like I don't like work either, I actually recently have been loving it. I love Halloween, and I love seeing my work friends. But work is getting in the way of my Dylan time, and that I don't like.. I know I shouldn't freak out about one day but I just want to be with him as much as I can. He makes me less stressed and just feel better. I just need to get my graduation project done and just make time stop. I don't even know.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Sorry

I feel like I have to say something. I'm sorry to the people I've hurt in my life or all the people that I've pissed off that didn't deserve it. I try my hardest to be there for my friends, and make everyone happy. But I have my days where I slip and end up not caring.. Or just too concerned with myself. But honestly, I'm making a lot if close friends this year and I just want to be there for them. By now if your still my friend that means something. I want to be friends with people who I'll actually care to talk to after high school. Which is coming up sooner than later, which kind of scares me but that's a different topic.. But I really just have been getting close to my friends again which fit some reason just got away from me. They like me for who I am, even when I'm a bitch one day they still stick around. Ever since I got close to Sarah, everything is just going really good. Like yeah I had friends and of course my boyfriend but everyone needs that best friend. Honestly I feel so close to her and we haven't even known each other that long. But I'm glad we met each other. She's just fun, and I needed someone to have fun with and go to parties with and hangout with. Like I feel like i finally have a potential partner in crime again. Ever since I've had the talk about college and like how I'm actually growing up now... I just I want to get close to the people that I actually care about. I need to make those last good memories. Junior year is going to be a good one I can feel it, but a stressful one. At least I'll always have Dylan who helps me through everything without him I wouldn't be able to get through everything. He is life, we've grown so close over the past year, he's to another winter. I'm so excited for the fall season. I love scary things so this is like the best. And I love being able to experience things with my ba. Pumpkin carving, corn mazes, haunted houses, perfection. God I love you. I'm going to need close friends when my brother goes to the navy. I want him to so what he wants but he helps me so much. And I'm going to miss him so much.. But I can't tell him that because I want him to do what makes him happy. Those two people alone have made me who I am today. They deserve so much thanks. I don't know what I'd do with out them.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014


Stability

I finally found someone who I can have fun with and trust. Things are starting to settle and I'm glad. It feels so good to actually have a girl i can talk to and hangout with again. I have my best friend and my boyfriend. I'm happy with where I am. I have people that care about me, I'm working, I got my permit, I'm doing good in school. I'm content with myself. Now I just need to start working out again so I can get in shape. Junior me is turning out to be pretty good.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Take me back to the days where being friends meant something and memories weren't of strangers

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Change

Summer is over, here I am back in school. Soon I wont be at work anymore, but back to the homework essays and all that. Part of me doesn't want it to end, I'm beginning to see i like my work friends better than my school friends. There's no cliches. I got to start over and make a lot of new friends. This summer opened my eyes about how much high school doesn't matter. Well, in the social sense that is. These kids wont be around forever, there are so many other situations you will be put in and so many places you will go to meet new people. I don't want to make new friends at school, the ones i talk to are my friends for a reason. I just don't want to meet new people there because they are full of judgement and stupidity. I will be nice to them but like me don't like me? I don't care. I have my friends, I have my family, I have my boyfriend. I have the people who i want to know and want to think good of me. Everyone else have opinions that don't matter to me. I also got my permit this morning which really excited me. I was so nervous even though I knew the information. I hate how nervous I get. I felt really good afterwards though, I felt good. Now I just need to learn how to drive. Here's to the beginning of school and the end of work. Junior year here I come.