Summer 2012
It was almost time to be worrying about school. Not just because I wouldn’t be able to sleep till any hour of the day anymore, but because I was going to be lost in my new school. When its summer you don’t need to worry because it seems like it will never end. I like to live in the moment and not worry about the future. Eventually it was about that time to start preparing for the new school year.. Going to high-school is a big adjustment. Just getting familiar with the school and your schedule is kind of weird to think about, same with knowing there’s going to be so many people in the halls that are older than you and actually know what their doing. Then there’s you…. having no clue where you are. A week or so before the school year of 2012-2013, I happen to meat this kid. His name was Remy. He talked to me on Facebook one day, I didn’t think anything of it because people always talk to others on Facebook It happens No big deal. Then three or so days later we exchanged numbers that’s when we really started creating a friendship. He was going to be a sophomore this year and he knew his way around the school, I found that as a helpful resource to my situation being a freshman. Being the helpful person he is, when I asked about my classes he tried to explain the best he could how to get there. It helped a lot. I felt like he was this really nice kid, and I wanted to keep talking to him. I barely know what he looked like though because his profile picture was so old. He said he was ‘too lazy’ to take a different one. Eventually he sent me this picture. This is the first picture I’ve ever gotten sent to me by Remy. I thought he was kind of cute, typical guy friend. I knew I wanted to get really close with this kid. He was nice and texted me a lot. I wasn’t that much of a texter until he started texting me. Eventually we met in person which was funny cause it was for about 3 minutes at the end of the day. After we met I started getting feelings for him.. I started to think, damn.. this kid seems really great. As the weeks went on we continued talking more and more. We told each other about our home lives, and our problems. When ever I was upset or anything and had something wrong he tried to help. He was there for me. That was something i was lacking before him, someone that really cared. The months continued to go on, and I kept falling for him more, and more. I couldn’t help it, something just drew me towards him. About 2 months in of knowing Remy someone else tried to come into my life. I dated them for a whapping 3 days. They ended up breaking up with me because all they wanted was sex. I didn’t count it as a relationship, but it still made me upset. Remy was there for me. Then for another three months or so everything was just peachy. Until I tried to tell him I liked him. He didn’t feel the same. Not at the moment at least. Yet still he could stay up the same night and get past it and talk to me for the rest of the night. Everything was fine for a little but then he started becoming distant. We started not being able to hold a conversation. We stopped walking out together and he barely texted me. I kept asking him why. He would never tell me what I did that made him not want to be my friend. When ever I would try to understand he would get pissed off and just leave me hanging. This killed. The kid I became so attached to left. I cried a lot. So many pointless tears came out of my eyes. All I wanted to do was be his friend. That's all I wanted. I couldn’t understand why he would do this to me.. when I would never dare hurt him like he's hurting me. It didn’t make sense to me. We would start talking on and off for awhile. Almost good conversations, but very bad conversations. Then my birthday came around January 26th 2013. That morning I found out one of the reasons he stopped talking to me. He said it clear as day. He thought I was a whore. He said he stopped talking to me because he didn’t know how many other guys I was talking the same way with. That really fucking killed. I was dead after reading that. I chucked my phone on the floor. Started shaking because I was crying so hard. My eyes were blurry and I just didn’t even want to do anything at the moment. I finally decided I had to reply and tell them it wasn’t true. I told them I would never do that and how much it kills that they thought that. What really sucked was I didn’t think he believed me. I damn well know he was the only guy I was even talking to at the time. Only guy. My friends even know that. I wouldn’t shut up about the guy. To hear the guy I thought of as my best friend tell me that I was a whore and that's why he stopped talking to me. My heart was broken. I stopped texting him after that. I told him believe me, don’t. whatever. I’m done trying to make you trust me even though I gave you no reason not to. He's the one that would lie to me. I did nothing wrong. nothing. Later that day he did apologize.
"i don’t think you’re a whore, but what im saying is you should relax on all that stuff and just focus on making friends. If you want a boyfriend talk to someone and not 30 other guys. I think you’re really nice and im sorry to have upset you. If you don’t wanna talk then i understand happy birthday i hope you have a great day. thank you for always being there for me, even though i don’t show my great-fullness i really do mean it thanks for reading this if you do."
"i don’t dislike you. you’re a great friend and im sorry for treating you terribly. im gonna change."
He said he was going to change… He has yet to change. He’s back to not talking to me.
I was flipping through my phone pictures when i saw this. Instantly our whole story between us flashed before my eyes as i started to tear up. He left me. I’m alone again. Why did i have to fuck this one up. I miss you more than ever and you cant even look at me when you see me in school. I miss us talking all night on the phone, i miss killing you on xbox i miss your singing, i miss your bad accents, i miss having someone to talk to, I miss your advice, I miss your voice, I miss your meanness towards me. I miss you, you obviously don’t miss me. I have to move on.. But i still keep trying to make you see I want us to be friends again. I don’t want this to be the end. Yet i can’t help it if it is.
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