Jesus H Christ ✌ ✌ ✌

Lol you don't get it. I was mean because I cared. Everything I ever said was me trying to help you. Maybe you'll never understand that. But one day, if you do realize that all I was trying to do was help you, get a hold of me. You can say I was a horrible friend because I called what you were doing stupid it stupid or whatever. Yeah I was harsh I know that, but I wasn't the only one to do wrong. I was truthful. I never tried to pull anything over on you, because you were my friend. I tried to help you and if that made me a bad friend then I apologize. All I wanted was you to have a good life but I guess we don't see it the same way. I see my life before I have kids and a family. I want to experience things, travel, live. I want a good education a steady job and a husband before I even consider kids. Because I've seen what it does to you. You're not the kid anymore. A parents job is stressful and I want to be ready for it when I decide that I am. You know why? Because I want to be the best that I can be when I'm a mom. I never want my kids to feel unloved. I want them to have a family. But till then I want to live it up. I want to do what I want and make memories. I want to have stories to tell my grand children. But I'm not going to be dumb and get myself killed. I want a long life. A full happy life. This is my time. When I have kids, its their time.

Probably the most relatable post I've ever seen.

Memories ☮☮☮

☑picnic

☐ zoo

☑stargaze

☑bowl

☑tennis

☐soccer

☑swim

☑beach

☑pictures

☑Dorney Park

☑draw

☐drive in 

☐carnival

I made this checklist at the beginning of summer and this is the first time I'm looking at it. My boyfriend actually made a lot of memories this summer ☼☼☼☼

Dylan and I have done a lot of this so far this summer. I'm really happy about it, every so often well get some food and just go to the park and hang out and it's like a little picnic. The park is our place. We go there all the time. This once we sat on the hood of his car at night and just looked at the stars. We were honestly so tired that night but that moment just meant a lot to mean. Astronomy is an interest of mine and to sit there and share it with my love just meant the world to me. I love doing things with him, bonding. I like stars but he likes bowling. I like bowling, but it's not something that I'm good at. I suck so bad at bowling but i like doing it with him because he enjoys it, and I enjoy anything when I'm doing it with him. But we did something that wasn't on my checklist. We got a pet together. 

I mean it's just a fish. 

But i love him, and his name is Lennie. 

I don't even know. ¿¿¿¿

I'm so mixed up. I don't understand why I care. I think I just miss who you were. Before the guys and the drama. High school changed you. I don't understand why it bothers me, when I don't even think you've thought of it once. I'm so moved on but there's always that little tick in the back of my mind saying that for some reason I wish it never happened. Because when I'm with everyone else I don't care. But literally everything I do I'm like oh yeah I remember that one time.. wait stop I don't talk to them anymore.. like wtf. I just don't understand why it meant absolutely nothing to you, and it was just nothing to let it go. You were like family. But then the lies? Using me? Obsessing over guys? Doing insane things? Like what happened to just having a good time. I tried to be there for you. And help you as much as I could but I can't control what you do. And I need to worry about myself. But it was just so easy for you to leave. And never look back because now you have something else to obsess over. And nothing else matters right? Because who needs friends. And people to be there for you. I want to delete you from my life completely because you obviously were not worth 6 years of memories. Fuck me for caring.

Up all night ✌

I finally had something to draw. Just thinking about it made me jumpy. I was going to wait till tomorrow morning but I just couldn't. So I started tonight, and I finished tonight. Two different pieces technically. I like making something that i feel good about. When i can look at something i made and be able to tell myself that i did a good job, it's just a really good feeling. I want my art to go somewhere. I'm not the best out there, but I think I have potential. I want to improve in till there is nothing more i can improve: in till I can not get any better. This is just a hobby that can be with me forever. I just find it so amusing to sit down and have something i want to draw and create. I like making something interesting. I hope other people think it's good too. But I enjoyed it, and that's all that matters. I made myself feel accomplished. I love the feeling after i finished my work. now its almost 3 am.. I think I should go to bed soon. Thanks random girl on instagram for being my muse tonight
✌ ✌ ✌ ✌

7.13.13

Yesterday was our one year anniversary. I couldn't have asked for a better day. I got to spend all day with him. We wrote each other notes about how much we love each other. He really is my other half. He makes me so happy, and just always makes me laugh. Just laying around with him and talking makes me happy. Anything else is a plus. I love you Dylan. I couldn't see myself with anyone else. You are mine. Always and forever.

Reconnecting

Im done pushing people out of my life. Im getting my friends back. My true friends that put up with me bot responding for whatever reasons. & most importantly I reached out to my sister. I texted her and she called me and we caught up. She said I really made her night.. I know we've been kind of not on the best terms but shes my sister and I love her. And I'm going to suck it up and just try to work it out. I wish we were closer.

This past week was absolutely perfect. I spent 6days at the beach with my favorite person and his family. This Sunday is our one year anniversary. I can't believe its been that long. He is still so perfect and I love him more everyday. I honestly am in love with him. He's my everything he picks me up when im down and always can make me laugh. & when he's mad I can calm him down and make him happy which makes me really happy. Dylan we are kinda different in our interests but something works for us because we are perfect. I love you. And I hope we have many more anniversaries to go.