So ever since I've gotten a boyfriend, I've kinda put things aside and focused on him. But you know what this time i'm not writing about him. Today i want to talk about my best-friend. We knew each other since like elementary school, and had the same homeroom in fifth grade but weren't really friends. We talked a little but, that was just about it. We were still little weirdos back then. Then we went to middle school and the first day we were both little scared sixth graders trying to find our way around. What do you know i walk in to my new homeroom and i see no one that i know, except for one. One person that i kinda knew but never was really close with but we both needed someone to hang around with. Ever since then we did everything together. Within the first month of school we were inseparable. I don't know what it was, like we didn't really know each other but we could just talk to each other. As the year went on we became the closes that you can get. I remember when we actually started hanging out after school, at first it was a little weird cause like we were still awkward little kids. But we went through middle-school and we stuck with each other through the whole thing. We made so many memories there. Middle school was the easy part. We did dumb stuff, got in trouble for stupid things, heck we even got an after school in 8th grade. Which we ended up thinking was pretty hilarious. Like detention was funny just because we had it the same day. Anyway the years rolled by and what do you know we make it through the first year of high-school. Still, best friends. Freshman year, i'll tell you, it was tough. I'm not going to lie there were a couple serious fights between us, but it was just petty stuff. I look back at them and realize how senseless they were. Not only did we have to fight through just our teenage hormones making us bitches, but also the guys. Guys complicated everything. For a good while we had the same interests and were pretty much attracted to the same guys. So we had to get past that, and soon what we liked changed and that wasn't a problem. But then there was sex. And drugs. And alcohol. And just all things bad. At one point it was bad she found out that i cut myself, which she might have known before then, but it actually was talked about. I don't really know how she thought about that, i mean i wasn't very happy with my life at the time, or what i looked like, it was just a depressing time. But soon after she found out i stopped, when she found out about it, it wasn't happening that often i was already stopping. But then she got into somethings, and she turned to that 'out' and it just wasn't good. Like when i saw her feeling like she needed to do that. I had enough, like i realized that it was time to stop. I didn't want to confront her about it, because i didn't want to make her angry but i wanted her to stop. I love this girl like a sister, and i don't want her to feel like this is the only way out. She was just starting but i was already stopped, i figured it had to run its course. But i did talk to her a little about it, i would tell her that doesn't help anything. And i told her not to a couple times but i knew nothing i would say would help. But it hurt to see her hurting. Then it got worse. She really really liked this guy, i didn't really like the fact that they had a thing because i questioned his intentions. I had known him for awhile and i knew what he was like with girls. He doesn't always treat them right. I just wanted to protect her from what might happen. But it didn't work she still got hurt and it got bad. Things weren't the best after he left. She got very depressed, i don't know if she understood that i knew what was happening in her mind. I understood, i just didn't want to invoke her and make her made or upset by talking about it. I admit i probably didn't know to what extent it was happening but i knew it was happening. She talked about this a lot, everyday she would obsess over it, and I use that term loosely. I mean i don't blame her it was her first high-school love, i knew it wouldn't be easy. I didn't know how to help her. Everything i did, it just wasn't enough. Nothing i do could make it better. So i thought that maybe if she just stopped talking about it her mind would let her forget it. Look i make mistakes, i'll admit someday i would get annoyed about hearing it, but i'm a teenager i'm going to get a little pissy sometimes. That doesn't mean i didn't care. I just really thought if she would force her self to stop making that the only thing she thought about then it would go away and it would get better. I felt like she was forcing herself to be sad, like she was trying to make her self believe that she needed this kid. I know that she doesn't need him, shes stronger than this. She can get through this. Shes a strong, beautiful, funny, kind, crazy girl and any guy would be lucky to have her. Its been just about a year since this has started now, and its a little better in my eyes but i know its still a problem. And if you read this Jasmin, I just want you to know that i care about you. I love you like family, we've been best-friends for just about 5 years now. I want you to know that i hate seeing you this way, and i know you cant help it. But i want you to know that someone cares about you, and i know i'm not always supportive and sometimes i get bitchy but when i do i'm trying to help you. Everything i do to you is always trying to help you or teach you a lesson so that things like this don't happen to you again. I had an older brother to teach me these things, that's why i think we think differently about a couple things. I want you to realize that, yes i know its good to feel loved by a guy and that i understand that you really truly had feelings for you know who. And i know how depressed and how bad you got during this whole thing, i understand that. You have every right to be. But you need to know that you will be okay. You CAN get through this, and you will find the right one. If it ends up being him, or someone else you will find him one day. I want you to realize how much time we have to get heartbroken. We have our whole lives to mess things up as much as we can. And dammit we are going to grow old and go through hell and back and experience everything, side by side. Don't stop your life because of high-school. This is only the beginning. If you ever feel like you going to do something fucking stupid to mess that up again you talk to me. We are going to get through this, and i know you feel alone but i'm right her. I love you, and don't ever think that you cant tell me stuff because i'll get annoyed or don't care. I care. It doesn't matter if i'm crabby or what i'm going to be here for you. We've been fucking shit up for the last 5 years, and here's to 5 more.
