life😂

I'm really happy Im finally running again and its starting to warm up a little. I really want to get healthy, and working out helps me stay occupied and not just be alone with my thoughts as much. I've been really on edge lately, and I think its because everything is about to change. Only about 2 weeks to go and honestly its so hard to think about. I'm trying to keep myself occupied but its hard because I don't really want to do anything expecially on the weekend. I just don't like going anywhere without Dylan and then when he's at work and my brother is in Georgia I'm just bored. And then I start thinking about how everything is going to change in the next couple months. Marks leaving, I'm starting work, Dylan is going to have a real job or go to school and this might be the last time that we have a set schedule for awhile. I just don't want to take it for granted anymore. I want to have fun again and jot just be stressed and take it out on him. He's  what makes me happy and I need to stop finding reasons to lash out. Sometimes I just don't get what's wrong with me. I'm not myself lately and I hope he realizes that and doesn't take my additude personally. I think he understands that I'm just having a hard time with everhthing. But Im going to try my hardest to control my emotions better and not get upset over dumb things so we can get back to laughing and having fun. I can't believe we've been together for almost 2 years already.. He's honestly changed my life so much for the better. If it wasn't for him I'd still be hanging out with the wrong crowd and the weird part is I think he's a big reason why I lost a really long friendship. And I think that friendship was getting me into a lot of bad situations so I think I should be thankful. It was right around the time Dylan and I were getting serious when my friendship started changing and we weren't communicating as much and then there was sneaking around and back stabbing and all that horrible stuff and he was there for me. Dylan is not only my boyfriend but my best friend and my sole mate. We are so different but it works and he has my heart. And he made me a better person. I'd probably be dead by now without him. I've also started making better friendships with girls because I realized not every girl is a liar and I can trust other people I just trusted the wrong person before. But I met this girl I relate so well with and study hall is so fun because we just talk and talk and talk, I haven't had that with a girl I can relate to in a long time. I've met I lot of great people this school year. Having them to talk to helps a lot. But I just I can't get out of this funk because I'm losing my brother for 4years. Its crazy to think about but I keep thinking its just him moving out. He is 20 its that time. Its just weird because he is also my best friend and I like to consider his friends mine because they are great and now they're going to be gone too. Joey is already gone and he was also like a brother and I just can't wait for them all to come home. One of my brothers old friends Sebastian came by the other day and he was like shocked that big mark was leaving. Its weird to see how much they both progressed. I think my brother has come really far but his friend hasn't really done anything. That seems crazy because it seems like mark has been through so much since graduation. But it was nice seeing them together made me feel like it was freshman year again and I didn't have to worry about what I'm doing after high school and having to figure out what I want to do with my life. Ugh just so much going on, so much that in have to think about alone. Because I usually just ask mark this kind of stuff. But I need to go solo on this because its my future. And I just need to realize its okay hell always be in my life because he's my brother but he needs to do this right now. I have dylan so I think I will be okay. I'm going to focus on bettering my relationship and building my body to a healthy standard and writing my brother I guess. 👍👌

today was perf

I finally got to see my ba today <3 I feel like it'd been so long since we had real quality time. Because last sunday we had hales birthday party to go to. But it snowed bad so I had to go home early. Then I got sick with the flu Thursday and we got even more snow. But fortunately today was great. It took forever for Sunday to be here. We had another birthday party to go to but it was really fun and then we even had alone time. It was perfect. I even got to bond with his little sister which was awesome. I love them all so much. I'm so lucky I found dywan.

Some people are so dumb ;-;

So you're either a horrible liar or just dumb af
Who smokes while they're pregnant? That is bull crap, maybe if you're intentionally trying to hurt the poor thing. Smoking is dumb no matter what, but if you're doing in while you're pregnant then that's just a whole new level of stupidity. But I mean if you want to ruin your health that's one thing but endangering another? just wow. that's selfish and just wrong. You need Jesus

I'm so glad i grew up and realized just how dumb smoking is. I was so young and it was so stupid, I'm so glad I had people who really cared about me to help me realize that it wasn't something I wanted to do. I'd be the happiest person if I never touched another cancer stick again. Here's to getting healthy and getting in shape.

Healthy goals